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As Army wives we are taught, trained, prepared for what will happen in the event our husband is killed. First, a notification officer in Class A's, and a Chaplain, also in Class A's will come to your residence. Second, they will not come after 2300 or before 0600. At 2300 every night I breathed a sigh of relief, knowing he was safe for another day. Third, you will not be told on the phone. Fourthly, it will not be someone you know. Almost none of it happened that way for me. First, I found out later from my neighbor, the notification officer was alone, he did not have a Chaplain with him. Second, it was after 2300. I had already breathed my sigh of relief for that day. Third, I was told on the phone. Granted, there were extenuating circumstances, but really, he could have come to my parents like he said he was going to. Because of all that, because it wasn't what I had been taught, it was that much harder to believe. Only a week or so before that I had heard about a man impersonating a notification officer and telling families that their loved one had been killed. I thought that's what it was. A second notification officer, this time with a chaplain, came the next morning. In my hundreds of nightmares I screamed and collapsed when I was notified. It didn't happen that way, I don't think I even cried. Inside my head was so loud, one minute screaming, another not believing, another minute complete and blessed numbness. He couldn't be gone. After all, I would have felt it. He was the biggest part of me. Surely I would know if he was no longer on this Earth with me. I would just know. After all, I knew, just knew, the time he got into a car accident. I knew the moment it happened. So surely I would feel this. I didn't and I've often wondered why. I honestly believe that he didn't want me to, he wanted, as always, to protect me for a little while longer.