Cadence

My Sweet Girl,

I'm writing this the day before your second birthday. Right now you are playing with your new shopping cart, pushing Barney around in it with the biggest smile on your face. You are such a happy little girl, and I am overjoyed that your Daddy and I have been able to provide that happiness for you.

When I found out I was pregnant with you I was absolutely terrified. Not because I didn't want you, but because I did. I had already lost so much in my 21 years, and I didn't want to lose you, too. I was terrified of losing you. But we made it. And here we are. How has it been two years, Princess? It seems like just yesterday that I woke up at seven in the morning, exactly a week after my due date, in horrible pain. Like everything with you, labor was easy. Four pushes and there you were, screaming your lungs out because you were no longer in the warm, safe, dark place that you had known for 41 weeks. Your Daddy saw you first, he cut your cord, and just like that you were no longer physically attached to me any longer. As glad as I was that you were here, I missed you swimming inside me already, missed your kicks and your punches, missed feeling you under my heart where your life had started, where you grew. It was a few minutes before I saw you, I didn't get to hold you right away. Because mine was a high risk pregnancy, they had to check you out right away. And then they gave you to me, and I looked into your beautiful, muddy blue eyes so full of secrets that I hadn't yet learned, so full of promise. You had a light in your eyes even then. You grabbed onto my finger, and you haven't let go since. You are the best thing I've ever done with my life, Cadence. You are the one thing that I have done absolutely right. You filled holes in me that I didn't even know were there. You are my greatest joy, you always will be.

I used to spend hours, literally, hours, just watching you sleep, wanting you to wake so I could sing to you, read to you, look in your eyes. I couldn't stand to be away from you, I still can't. And now, you are two. How did time go this fast? The past two years slipped through my fingers like sand. That isn't to say that I haven't cherished every moment, I have. But it still went much too fast. In the blink of an eye you will be ten, and then you'll be a teenager, and then you'll be married with babies of your own. I want every joy, every happiness possible for you. You deserve the world, and the world is what you will get, I will make sure of it. There's a lot I want to teach you, but the biggest lesson of all is this- that I love you, that I will always love you. That you will forever be my greatest joy. And I want to teach you to love without abandon. Whoever and whatever you love, love without abandon, without limits, always. This is a lesson that you practice every day. But I know that eventually life will get you down. And though it breaks my heart, I know that one day your beautiful, precious heart will be broken, and it will be hard to love like that. Don't you ever give up. Love is the greatest thing there is. Always love, Cadence. Always. And I promise to always love you without limits, no matter what. I hope one day, when you're a teenager, or an adult, you will look back on these words and they will help you.

Never forget, my child, my precious child, that I love you with my whole heart, with everything I am. And nothing could ever change that. I will go to the ends of the earth for you. I love you, Cadence Marie. To the moon and back and back and back again.

Love Always,
Mommy