but I hope you know...

But I hope you know
That it won't let go
It sticks around with you until the day you die
And I hope you know
That it's touch and go
I hope the tears don't stain the world that waits outside

In the days and months and weeks that followed a depression unlike anything I could have possibly imagined descended. I could find absolutely nothing to look forward to. There was nothing to do. For the past two and a half years I had spent my life waiting for Shawn. Waiting for phone calls, waiting for mail, waiting for visits. I had spent the past two and a half years planning. Now the wait was over. And I had nothing but a grave , a folded flag, and a pair of dog tags to show for it. Even surrounded by people I was completely and utterly alone. I didn't want to sleep, because of the horrible nightmares. I had been told, in detail, what happened to him. And that filled my every waking and sleeping moment. But sleep was my only escape from reality. A reality that no one should ever have to face. It's an incredibly bleak existence. There is only fear, and pain, and anger. There is no hope, no joy, no comfort, no relief. It wouldn't be long before I found another escape. An escape that nearly killed me.