The Day After

That night, after I found out I remember finally being sedated enough to lay down. I curled into a ball at the end of my bed and somehow, miraculously, slept. I didn't dream. I slept with my phone in my hand. I remember thinking that everything would be ok when I woke up, he would call, he wasn't gone because he promised. For those few blessed, precious seconds upon waking I didn't remember. And then I did. I checked my phone, no call. My Dad was asleep in my computer chair- that's how I knew I hadn't been dreaming. He had taken and hidden my prescription medicines. He knew me. If he hadn't taken them I would have taken everything I had. Death was wanted, welcome. Preferable to an empty existence without my whole world, my Shawn. The second notification officer came, with a chaplin. I was quiet. I was quiet through most everything that followed. Too many people to count mistook my quietness for not caring. But let me tell you this- inside I was screaming.